The Abusive Personality

Understanding Domestic Violence and Domestic Abuse

About The Abusive Personality and Understanding Abuse.

I wondered what was wrong with me. I couldn’t do anything right. The groceries never got put away just right, the vegetables never were straight enough in the produce drawer, dust accumulated under the dryer and I didn’t get to it fast enough.

What was wrong with me? I kept saying over and over in my mind. These are simple things yet I couldn’t do it right – ever!

My life was in constant uproar with my husband, sometimes he was so kind and gentle and others he would beat me senseless because the Tupperware drawer was not in order or the fork was in the spoon spot.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do anything right and when I did it right, he always managed to find something else wrong.

That was my life. A horrible mess, filled with fear and terror. We couldn’t breathe without him giving us permission. But to the outside world we lived the perfect life, had the perfect home and perfect children.

I put on a façade because if I told anyone my life and my children’s life would be over. (If you want to know more read my book, “Hurt No More! A Journey of Healing from Abuse." It shares my history of the abuse I suffered.)

An abusive personality is very confusing to the victim. On one hand they are kind, wonderful, charming and even giving, but in a split second the abusive personality strikes like a venomous snake – killing anyone who is under their control.

Abusive men strike only those who they want to control. Whether it is their wife, girlfriend, parent, child and such, they will keep the victims on their toes, living in constant fear of when they will blow next.

The woman who lives with them live in constant confusion, because he is so loved at church and at work but at home he can verbally and physically beat her senseless.

These are the times the victim is confused and begins to doubt herself. She thinks it has to be me, I am the only one who has this problem.

Once doubt and fear and confusion set in, the abusive personality controls every part of their life. Even if she went out to seek help, no one will believe her.

She knows that and her abuser continually reminds her of that. She is kept in silence.

Her world becomes a hopeless and unending nightmare. Unable to gain control over any situation she submits to whatever he says. If you see that you are in an abusive relationship please seek help.